Go hand in hand, am I wrong?
Well in my case aparently they do. On Wednesday night my host brother (Leandro) and I threw a small gathering, based around the making of fruit daquiris. I was excited after so many days of having no work, and really nothing to do, to being seeing people and socializing. Here is are some examples of our fun….
Enrique making some strawberry yum
My host brother (in the front) and his friend Max
In the middle of the party though, I got into an arguement with my host brother. I had allowed him to make all the arangements for the party, because well it is not my house. He had told me what wine to buy (the cheapest one, totally against my wishes), what rum to buy etc…because honestly this is not my culture and I am still observing. And this is not my house yet, I am still observing….not imposing. But we didn´t have enough ice (which I had forseen) or any snacks for people. So we had to go get ice, and in the car on the ride there he told me that I seemed like I was more of a hostess than him….and I said, well I enjoy having people over, but it is not my country or my space yet. At which point he got really mad at me, and INSISTED that it was my home and that I should treat it that way. And I was upset because I wanted him to stop forcing it to be my home (I have only been here a week!) and let me take my time….this was all new to me and I needed to watch how it was done, instead of impose my own values on it. He didn´t like that idea. And I cracked…..
Living here is hard. I want to learn alot, but things are really different. It is not my native culture, it is not my house, I don´t really have total freedom of movement. I knew it would be like this, and I knew that it would be a struggle and painful….but this was the first jolt of it. I have worked with cultural immersion alot in school and in teaching english so I am familiar with a culture shock graph, but I don´t know who else is….so I will show you one.
So you can see, I have been here about a month now, and all my time in Buenos Aires and the first few days here in La Plata were totally in the “honey moon” phase, where everything is new and cool and fun and exciting. And then you fall. Everyone does. I am not ashamed of it at all. Because you start hitting more and more snags and the differences begin to wear on you. Part of the cultural difference is that I am used to having more personal space. Another is a we eat at 9 at night. Another is not knowing where to go to buy things you need. Another is the language in and of itself. Just to name a few, which are starting to build.
I knew this snag would come, and I knew this would be hard. I have done this a few times before, and it is always similar. I think that finally having a job, and a purpose will help somewhat. Though I still don´t know ANYTHING about the job or even if I have one for Monday, but I am trying to maintain my patience. But as the graph shows, and as I know well…it will only getting a little harder before it starts to get better. And eventually I will level off and settle in, and make friends and have a life here. I can see it in the interns who have been here since September. It just takes time.
Sorry if this entry was a little self defensive and seems like I am only justifying myself, but I am trying to wrestle through everything.
jen that graph is awesome! i have never seen one of those before, and it really is interesting to see something that makes intuitive sense in a visual translation like that. it is neat! does it help to know that the “adaptation” plateau is coming soon?
i’m sorry you had a struggle with your host brother, you are a natural hostess, not your fault!
i also have a hard time in a new situation, knowing when it’s ok to be myself and when i should just observe “how things are done”… i much prefer to be left alone while i get my bearings! thanks for sharing all that you’re feeling and going through on your blog! i feel like you are giving a very honest representation of your journey, and your fans appreciate it.
the good news is that you do have people around who will make fruit daiquiris with you- could be worse, what if they didn’t drink? =)
I remember those graphs in my crossc ultural communication classes!! i love them – they really do capture the experience perfectly; and i find that reassuring.
re: the situation w/ your host brother – thats definitely part of finding your ownspace there – and to be fair its part of him finding his own space with a new person in the home. just as you are readjusting to a new place, you are also adjusting to new people! every relationship is going to have that kind of head butting as you know!
The daiquiris sounded like such fun though! are you keeping in touchw ith any of your peers from the orientation program?